I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
