Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
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