My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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