There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
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