God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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