I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Randomize
