whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
