thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
