I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
