i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I am mentally ready for anal.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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