It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
I skipped work to stalk him.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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