If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
