you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Congratulations! We have a period
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
