Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
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