The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
