Having a random hookup so left but love u
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Randomize
