While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Randomize