i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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