Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
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