Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
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