Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
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