peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
