1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Randomize
