how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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