why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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