Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
