i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
