I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
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