hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
My orgasm happened in two different decades
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
