Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Randomize
