Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize