I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
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