I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
