If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Randomize
