All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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