Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
