That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Randomize
