This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
