Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Someone shattered a urinal.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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