i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
