you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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