This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
