Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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