I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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