This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
