Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
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