I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
