Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
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