Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Randomize
