You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
