how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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