There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
