It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
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