so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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