I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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