My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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