Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
