im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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