He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
