is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
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