I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
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