I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
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