listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
