My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
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