literally had 100 drinks last night.
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize