Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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