just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
