Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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