At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
