yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Randomize