i'm signing you up for texting rehab
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
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