I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
True strength comes from lack of pants
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
