i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
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