Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Randomize
