so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize
