My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
