I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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