I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
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