I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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