Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize
