Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
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