so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
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