i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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