Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
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