So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Randomize
