That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
she told me i tasted like america
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
