I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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