Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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