just tell him i said nine months
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
