nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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