So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
