Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
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