I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
