SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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