haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
